Quick, grab your kid by the hair!

Okay, after decades of boy bands and teenage packages we call "stars", it's time to point a finger at the Disney Channel our collective parents created by censoring their Tivos. Seeing Justin Bieber at the Oscars with Selena Gomez, I'm bombarded with not one but two packages we call teenage sensations, wrapped in a nice pretty bow we call the Academy Awards.

Mathematical formula: Rich + Beiber = RICH BIEBER

I could get all feverish over Justin but as a Canadian, I'll just say I'm happy he's been lucky enough to have Usher string him up like a marionnette for the world to see. In the late 1970s and early 1980s, a TV show called EIGHT IS ENOUGH introduced another young Tiger Beat Magazine star to mag covers with pretty much the same hair: Adam Rich.

It's when Selena Gomez comes into the picture that I start getting a little "icky". Born in 1992, this Disney Channel star has already played it up on the arm of one of the pre-packaged Jonas Brothers, along with Twilight's "can't get no shirt satisfaction" Taylor Lauthner. A year older than Bieber, they seem the perfect match, but then, Gomez is no fool - her marketing team is Disney, not USHER!

Yes Disney, and to make it worse, the Disney Channel. The same people that pumped out Britney, Lindsay and Hannah Montana before they all dropped their vaginas on the ground for the world to see. The same channel that collectively gasped as they watched their sculpted, pure, innocent stars check into rehab or show a little leg at the MTV Awards while we all had to watch their growing pains live on screen. Either someone's mother needs to take a second at look at what they feel they're REALLY protecting us from when they prop their kids up to the channel each morning, or we need to start to start taking a closer at look at how Disney films differ from the wholesome channel itself: a repressive, unreal glimpse into that adolescent Holocaust of 1950s denial. Or in brief, the SPAM version of reality.

Happy dating Bieb! I truly hope this is a match made in Usher heaven. Mickey ears and all.